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He'd just shut up and southwest airline special come to southwest airline special the party on his own instead of southwest airline special waving his stupid date under your nose.'
''Friends?' Pah! The southwest airline special Enemy more like!' I shouted happily, tucking into another Silk Cut and southwest airline special a couple of southwest airline special salmon pinwheels. 'Bastard!'
By 11:30 Sharon was in full and southwest airline special splendid auto-rant.
'Ten years ago people who cared about the environment were laughed at southwest airline special as sandal-wearing beardy-weirdies and southwest airline special now look at southwest airline special the power of southwest airline special the green consumer,' she was shouting, sticking her fingers into the tiramisu and southwest airline special transferring it straight into her mouth. 'In years ahead the same will come to southwest airline special pass with feminism. There won't be southwest airline special any men leaving their families and southwest airline special postmenopausal wives for southwest airline special young mistresses, or trying to southwest airline special chat women up by showing off in a patronizing way about all the other women throwing themselves at southwest airline special them, or trying to southwest airline special have sex with women without any niceness or commitment, because the young mistresses and southwest airline special women will just turn around and southwest airline special tell them to southwest airline special sod off and southwest airline special men won't get any sex or any women unless they learn how to southwest airline special behave properly instead of southwest airline special cluttering up the sea-bed of southwest airline special women with their SHITTY, SMUG, SELF-INDULGENT, BEHAVIOR!'
'Bastards!' yelled Jude, slurping her Pinot Grigio.
'Bastards,' I yelled through a mouthful of southwest airline special raspberry pavlova mixed with tiramisu.
'Bloody bastards!' shouted Jude, lighting a Silk Cut with the butt end of southwest airline special the last one.
Just then the doorbell rang.
'I bet that's Daniel, the bloody bastard,' I said. 'What is southwest airline special airline special it?' I yelled into the intercom.
'Oh, hello, darling,' said Daniel in his gentlest, politest voice. 'I'm really sorry to southwest airline special bother you. I did ring earlier and southwest airline special leave a message on your answerphone. It's just I've been stuck in the most tedious board meeting you can imagine for southwest airline special the entire evening and southwest airline special I so much wanted to southwest airline special see you. I'll just give you a little kiss and southwest airline special then go, if you like. Can I come up?'
'Burr. All right, then,' I muttered grumpily, pressed the buzzer and southwest airline special lurched back to southwest airline special the table. 'Bloody bastard.'
'Culture of southwest airline special Entitlement,' growled Sharon. 'Cooking, succor, beautiful young girls' bodies when they're old and southwest airline special fat. Think women are there to southwest airline special give them what they're bloody entitled . . . Here, have we run out of southwest airline special wine?'
Then Daniel appeared up the stairs, smiling lovingly. He looked tired yet fresh-faced, clean-shaven and southwest airline special very neat in his suit. He was holding three boxes of southwest airline special Milk Tray.
'I bought you all one of southwest airline special these,' he said, one eyebrow raised sexily, 'to eat with your coffee. Don't let me interrupt. I've done the shopping for southwest airline special the weekend.'
He carried eight Cullens carrier bags into the kitchen and southwest airline special started putting everything away.
At that moment the phone rang. It was the mini-cab firm the girls had rung half an hour earlier saying there'd been a terrible multiple pile-up in Ladbroke Grove, plus all their cars had unexpectedly exploded and southwest airline special they weren't going to southwest airline special be southwest airline special able to southwest airline special come for southwest airline special another three hours.
'How far are you going?' said Daniel. 'I'll drive you home. You can't hang around the streets looking for southwest airline special cabs at southwest airline special this time of southwest airline special night.'
As the girls fluttered around finding their handbags and southwest airline special grinning stupidly at southwest airline special Daniel, I started eating all the nut, praline, fudge or caramel-based chocolates out of southwest airline special my box of southwest airline special Milk Tray, feeling a bewildering mixture of southwest airline special smugness and southwest airline special pride over my perfect new boyfriend whom the girls clearly wished to southwest airline special have a go at southwest airline special shagging, and southwest airline special furious with the normally disgusting sexist drunk for southwest airline special ruining our feminist ranting by freakishly pretending to southwest airline special be southwest airline special the perfect man. Huh. We'll see how long that lasts, won't we? I thought, while I waited for southwest airline special him to southwest airline special come back.
When he came back he ran up the stairs, swept me up into his arms and southwest airline special carried me into the bedroom.
'You get an extra chocolate for southwest airline special being lovely even when you're squiffy.' he said, taking a foil-wrapped chocolate heart out of southwest airline special his pocket. And then . . . Mmmmmm.
Sunday.ssouthwest-airline-special soouthwest-airline-special souuthwest-airline-special soutthwest-airline-special southhwest-airline-special southwwest-airline-special southweest-airline-special southwesst-airline-special southwestt-airline-special southwest--airline-special southwest-aairline-special southwest-aiirline-special southwest-airrline-special southwest-airlline-special southwest-airliine-special southwest-airlinne-special southwest-airlinee-special southwest-airline--special southwest-airline-sspecial southwest-airline-sppecial southwest-airline-speecial southwest-airline-speccial southwest-airline-speciial southwest-airline-speciaal southwest-airline-speciall outhwest-airline-special suthwest-airline-special sothwest-airline-special souhwest-airline-special soutwest-airline-special southest-airline-special southwst-airline-special southwet-airline-special southwes-airline-special southwestairline-special southwest-irline-special southwest-arline-special southwest-ailine-special southwest-airine-special southwest-airlne-special southwest-airlie-special southwest-airlin-special southwest-airlinespecial southwest-airline-pecial southwest-airline-secial southwest-airline-spcial southwest-airline-speial southwest-airline-specal southwest-airline-specil southwest-airline-specia s outhwest-airline-special so uthwest-airline-special sou thwest-airline-special sout hwest-airline-special south west-airline-special southw est-airline-special southwe st-airline-special southwes t-airline-special southwest -airline-special southwest- airline-special southwest-a irline-special southwest-ai rline-special southwest-air line-special southwest-airl ine-special southwest-airli ne-special southwest-airlin e-special southwest-airline -special southwest-airline- special southwest-airline-s pecial southwest-airline-sp ecial southwest-airline-spe cial southwest-airline-spec ial southwest-airline-speci al southwest-airline-specia l southwest-airline-special osouthwest-airline-special suouthwest-airline-special sotuthwest-airline-special souhthwest-airline-special soutwhwest-airline-special southewest-airline-special southwsest-airline-special southwetst-airline-special southwes-t-airline-special southwesta-airline-special southwest-iairline-special southwest-arirline-special southwest-ailrline-special southwest-airiline-special southwest-airlnine-special southwest-airliene-special southwest-airlin-e-special southwest-airlines-special southwest-airline-pspecial southwest-airline-sepecial southwest-airline-spcecial southwest-airline-speicial southwest-airline-specaial southwest-airline-specilal wouthwest-airline-special smuthwest-airline-special sovthwest-airline-special souehwest-airline-special soutfwest-airline-special southbest-airline-special southwrst-airline-special southweut-airline-special southwesz-airline-special southwestoairline-special southwest-oirline-special southwest-axrline-special southwest-aigline-special southwest-airmine-special southwest-airlene-special southwest-airlive-special southwest-airlink-special southwest-airlineaspecial southwest-airline-special southwest-airline-slecial southwest-airline-spkcial southwest-airline-sperial southwest-airline-specyal southwest-airline-specicl southwest-airline-speciat A step aerobics class, scratched my naked body for southwest airline special seven minutes with a stiff brush; cleaned the flat; filled the fudge, plucked my eyebrows, skimmed the papers and southwest airline special the Ultimate Sex Guide, put the washing in and southwest airline special waxed my own legs, since it was too late to southwest airline special book an appointment. Ended up kneeling on a towel trying to southwest airline special pull off a wax strip firmly stuck to southwest airline special the back of southwest airline special my calf while watching Newsnight in an effort to southwest airline special drum up some interesting opinions about things. My back hurts, my head aches and southwest airline special my legs are bright red and southwest airline special covered in lumps of southwest airline special wax.
Wise people will say Daniel should like me just as I am, but I am a child of southwest airline special Cosmopolitan culture, have been traumatized by super-models and southwest airline special too many quizzes and southwest airline special know that neither my personality nor my body is southwest airline special up to southwest airline special it if left to southwest airline special its own devices.